Day 13: Frustration turned around

Today's inane image of the day:

When we help out during interview days, we are given these notecard packets with maps and other useful information. I was an "escort" [heh...], which means I accompany applicants to their interview and back.

We had a TBL yesterday that put me in a rather foul mood. It wasn't necessarily because of the TBL itself, but more due to my personal performance on it. It's no secret that I struggle with multiple-choice exams, but I thought I had been improving in that department - well, apparently not so much. Sometimes I'm able to convince myself that often these tests aren't representative of my true knowledge, however, there's no escaping multiple-choice assessments so I'll have to make due and just keep trying [at least I'm not failing!].

I signed up to participate in the first interview day of the 2012-2013 application cycle, which was yesterday immediately following my TBL. I was a bit concerned about my ability to talk about OUWB when I was feeling rather unhappy - but my mood markedly improved after chatting with some prospective students. One of them asked why I took time out of my busy schedule to do interview days, and I told him that it was because talking with interviewees reminded me of how excited I was to start medical school and proves to be relatively good motivation to keep moving forward.

My evening was topped off with some unexpectedly fun company. And today things are looking rather up [including the weather, which is 90+ degrees - I thought it was almost cider and donuts time?! Oh, Michigan], especially since I checked off a number of tasks this morning and I always feel better when I get stuff done.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Day 8: 2.5 years in (another long distance relationship update)

Today's inane image of the day:

From my trip to San Fran - we made a pitstop in Malibu to visit one of Mike's friends who was camping on the beach.

Today, we are 2.5 years into our relationship. Over 1 year of it has been on almost-opposite ends of the country. Sadly, it is likely that we will be permanently reunited only after we've spent more time separated by 1000s of miles than together.

Things have not necessarily gotten easier with time [whoever said time heals all, lied] - in fact, I'd argue that it has gotten harder as I move forward with medical school. Although I have arrived at a relatively comfortable point of treading the enormous volume of material, I cannot help but feel apprehensive about Step 1. I do not feel like I adequately learned the basic sciences last year, nor do I feel comfortable identifying a lesion in the spinal cord when given the results of a neurological examination. Although these fears cannot be erased by having Mike around, he could at least help keep them at bay.

But I guess we all yearn for the things we cannot have. Admittedly, I should be grateful for the endless hours he spends with me over FaceTime, merely watching me stare at textbooks or listening to me talk to myself about the pathophysiology of this, or that. I should be happy that I have someone so supportive and stubborn. I should feel lucky that he can visit on such a regular basis.

I recognize that I definitely have a pretty optimal LDR situation, but I cannot help but feel pangs of jealousy when I see my happily married peers at social events or hear about regular weekend visits from significant others in places only a couple hours away. Through my eyes, everyone else has a more optimal situation - however, I know that this isn't necessarily true. I just have to keep reminding myself that appearances are not always representative of the truth.

My frustration comes in waves - most of the time I keep myself so busy that there isn't enough time to let the negative feelings surface - but, sometimes they escape and morph into a fight. Mike is so accustomed to them now that he just seems to ride out the storm until the sun rises again. I really try not to let my emotions get the best of me, however, by the end of the week, I am sleep-deprived and stressed, which tends to turn me into a blubbering ball of anger and tears. Usually, if sleep it off, everything is better the next day.

We still have something like four years of long distance to go - hopefully it will all work out in the end.